Gender Discrimination

Yesterday during Sisterhood, we read and discussed this article:

You play ball like a girl.
That used to be an insult. In Beaverton, Oregon, it's becoming more like a fantasy.

Jaime Nared, a 12-year-old girl who stands 6-foot-1, has been told she can no longer play on the boys team of which she has been a member since the second grade, according to a report on the Web site of The Oregonian. Curiously, the timing of her ban came in the wake of a 30-point effort against an all-boys team.

"She scored 30 points," Jaime's mom, Reiko Williams, told The Oregonian. "I remember one play. She stole the ball, dribbled up court and made a behind-the-back pass to a teammate. He missed the lay-in, and she grabbed the rebound and put it in. I think it was just too much for some of those parents."

The next day, she came home and said they wouldn't let her play with the boys anymore."

Last month, a group of parents from an opposing team told management at The Hoop, a private Beaverton basketball facility that runs the league in which Nared's team competes, that they didn't like Nared playing against their sons. Hoop officials then told Nared's coach, Michael Abraham, that she could no longer play, citing a league rule that prohibits mixed-gender teams, the newspaper reported.

"I never saw the rule," said Abraham, who has coached basketball for 32 years.

"If I'd known about it, I wouldn't have put any of my teams in the league. Besides, she's been playing on this team since second grade, and she plays on our team when we travel around the region. There's never been any problem in any event, not one word of complaint."

Neal Franzer, The Hoop's director of operations, told the paper that parents were "adamant" their complaints had nothing to do with Jaime's skills.

"They said the problem was the boys were playing differently against her because she was a girl," Franzer said, according to the paper. "They'd been taught to not push a girl, so they weren't fouling her hard, and the focus had shifted from playing basketball to noticing a girl was on the floor with them.

"The rule may not have been enforced in past years," Franzer said. "We have new management this year. It's policy, and we enforce policy."

Nared, however, had a different take."I think the boys on a specific team don't like me," she said.

"It doesn't seem fair."Abraham was also skeptical about the ruling."I can't think of one boy that we've played against that's had a problem with her," he said. "Maybe their dads do. Teach the boys how to handle her. Front her, deny her the ball. You sure as hell don't complain. Listen, she's a girl's girl, but she plays tough. She's no cupcake. She gets knocked down and takes a charge."

All of the girls in the lunches agreed that what happened to Jaime was unfair. We then discussed if any of the girls in group ever felt discriminated against because of their gender. The group had a hard time thinking of times they felt this way, but some felt that they have been judged for not acting like the stereotype of what a girl is "supposed" to be. Can any of you guys recall a time you felt discriminated against?

We also discussed how boys can be discriminated against and the most common answers came down to the fact that it is not acceptable for boys older than elementary school to display emotions publicly. We all agreed that this isn't fair to them either.

So why does gender matter so much? What do you guys think? One sister during 2nd lunch said that some people only want to see in black and white. Is she right? Is it easier to sort people into various categories than to recognize the differences that we all possess? Think about it and leave a comment.

On another note, there will not be group next week because I will be away on Wednesday, but group will resume the following Wednesday. See you then, sisters!

Friendships

After a brief hiatus due to snow and from playing catch-up after an extended Winter Break, the Sisterhood is back. Today we discussed friendships. The girls from 2nd lunch each had different ideas as to what they felt made someone a good friend - honesty, loyalty, being a nice person, someone who likes doing the same things as you, or someone who has a similar personality. A Sister from 3rd lunch felt that unconditional acceptance of her was important, and another thought that having similar values and ideals. Is there anything that's missing that you feel is vital in a good friend?

We also talked about the term "best friend". What that means and how it's different from just a regular friend. Some Sisters felt that best friends feel almost like family and you can trust them completely. Others thought that there are too many people in the world to get to know and be friends with than to just pick one out to label as a best friend.

3rd lunch had a lively discussion about boys' friendships versus girls' friendships. The group agreed that boys seem to have friendships where at one moment they're calling each other names, and punching each other and then laughing and joking around the next moment. We wondered why girls can't be like that, that whenever a girl friend does us wrong, we have to hold grudges. Ms. Zoref wondered why girls are always dragging each other down to get the attention of a boy. Why is it so hard for so many girls to put friends first (before boys)? What do you guys think? What are other things that can cause issues in girls' friendships besides boys? Leave a comment and let us know.

See you next week!

The Media Isn't Fooling Me!

This week at the Sisterhood, we discussed the media and how it can affect our perceptions of what is "real". Specifically we discussed the magazine industry and how they doctor photos to make the models look prettier, skinnier etc. We took a quiz online to see how much magazines really alter photographs. You can take it here: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/dsef07/t5.aspx?id=7380. We also watched the short video that follows the quiz. So take the quiz for yourself and let us know how you did. Were you surprised by what you saw? Post a comment and let us know.

The bottom line from all this is that when we're comparing ourselves to the models in these magazines, we comparing ourselves to ideals that aren't really achievable because these "perfect" models are being created by computers. All this to get us to buy clothes, make up, perfume, etc., but unfortunately it's at the expense of the self-esteem of girls everywhere, because they're wondering why they can't look that way. But it won't be at the expense of our self-esteem, sisters! We aren't going to let magazines make us feel bad about how we look anymore because now we know better, and the media is no longer fooling us!

"Twilight" and Love

Today 's Sisterhood featured some lively discussion during all three lunches. We talked about the book and movie "Twilight" and it's portrayal of love and relationships. A first lunch sister said that said that girls like "Twilight" because it gives them an idea of what relationships are like and what to do when a boy likes you. 3rd lunch sisters said that part of its popularity is from word of mouth and that people read it so they don't feel left out.

1st lunchers felt that aside from the vampires, that they felt it was a realistic portrayal of the relationships that teenagers experience, whereas 2nd and 3rd lunch sisters felt that it wasn't. So I'm wondering if there are parts to Bella and Edward's relationship that are realistic and others that aren't? What do you think, sisters?

All the lunches agreed that love in middle school is far more casual and less intense than the kind of love portrayed in the book. A 3rd lunch sister said that love here at Tyee is mostly just holding hands at lunch and in the hallway, and less activity based because middle schoolers don't go on dates. Do you other sisters agree? What do you see at Tyee?

2nd and 3rd lunch sisters said that the love portrayed in the media is unrealistic and it's like chasing an ideal. A 3rd lunch sister also said that it's disappointing that love isn't always how it's shown in TV or the movies.

During 1st lunch a sister asked the all important question of "How do you know if you're in love?". That's a pretty good question. So in middle school how do you know it's love that you're feeling? I know a lot of times adults tend to minimize teenage love by calling it puppy love or crushes, but if you're feeling it, then it's certainly real to you.

Thanks to all the teacher sisters who came today, and Ms. Nelson for providing 3rd lunch with some wonderful hot chocolate!

See you next week, sisters!

Being Thankful

First off sisters, I just want to apologize for cancelling today's group, but that still doesn't mean we can't have a great discussion here!

So in light of the Thanksgiving holiday, I'm curious, what are you guys thankful for? Think about it and leave a comment.

Have a safe and wonderful long weekend and see you next week!

Popularity and Mean Girl Behavior

Last week, someone commented that "Most of the students at Tyee who are popular are the good popular when they aren't with their "popular group of friends". When they are with their friends, they tend to gossip, spread rumors, and make fun of other students." This reminded me of an essay by a 17 year old girl, called "Nasty Girls". I shared part of this essay with group today. The author describes her middle school experience with the "gossip group" and how right before her eyes the girls that she thought were her friends were becoming meaner and meaner to others, as they became more popular.

So during the lunches today, sisters talked about mean girl behavior and why we do it. A few girls in first lunch admitted to gossiping and spreading rumors about others. They said the reason they did it was to get back at another person who spread rumors about them, or they did it to feel important.

Some reasons that other lunches gave for mean girl behavior was to get attention, because it's cool to be mean, or to keep the focus off of yourself so you don't get made fun of.

What are some other reasons, sisters? Where do you think girls learn these behaviors? Where do they learn that it's cool to be mean?

Think about it sisters and leave a comment.

Look forward to seeing you all next week!

Popularity

During yesterday's Sisterhood we talked about popularity, because last week, several sisters in each of the lunches said that the desire for popularity or to impress the "popular" people can cause people to hide who they really are. During each lunch, sisters talked about what popular means and how there can be two different kinds of popularity, the good kind and the mean kind. The good kind being that someone's popular because they are nice to everyone, and the mean kind meaning that someone's gains popularity through manipulation and hurting others. One sister during 3rd lunch said that the difference seems to come down to power. She also said that the mean popular people are usually trying to bring others down so that they can feel better about themselves. What do you guys think?

So think about the popular kids at Tyee. Without using names, do you guys think that most of people who are popular are the good kind or the bad kind? Where do you guys think the mean popular kids learn their behaviors? Think about it sisters and leave a comment.